My Home
by bucketfullofmilk
Summary: Aoshi's POV. No one knows how Aoshi feels. Only Misao can calm him, help him. Takes place right after the Shishio incident. Songfic.


AN: Standard disclaimers apply.

Reaaad the whole AN :)

I am back! To readers of **Forgotten**, please, please forgive me for not updating yet. I know school is no excuse but well, it's been taking up most of my free time. And my damned power cord! Ughh. Anyway, I'm really sorry for not updating yet. But you can expect an update within the week, a long one at that. I know you guys don't trust me anymore 'cause I keep on saying dates but I don't post but I honestly mean to, something just comes and screws with my sched so yeah. But this one won't be in vain, I really really promise.

I would also want to thank those who reviewed my first songfic (Oooh and the last chapter of Forgotten) :) I've realized that I might probably write songfics more often. Actually, I was thinking of a mini-series songfic, around 3-5 chapters only. What do you guys think? It's of course about Aoshi and Misao. Tell me, please?:) Revieeew loves! :)

Oh before I forget, this song is actually a Christian song. But for ficcie purposes, please disregard that fact momentarily. Do play the music while reading this if you can. It's Warrior is a Child by Gary Valenciano.

Aoshi might seem a bit OOC here, dependent perhaps? Anyway, a bit of fluff at the end and slightly abrupt swings. :)

Anyhow, Ja ne!

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Lately I've been winning battles left and right<br>But even winners can get wounded in the fight  
>People say that I'm amazing<br>I'm strong beyond my years  
>But they don't see inside of me<br>I'm hiding all the tears _

Aoshi looked away as his last opponent fell. Hannya. "I'm sorry." He looked at his best friend's fallen form and held back a scream. Why did he have to go through this? He looked around. Scattered were bodies of his friends, his comrades – all unconscious.

As part of his induction, he had to prove to the whole Oniwabanshuu that he was, indeed, the greatest. In order for him to do that, he had to go through with the clan's tradition: fight his way up. He didn't even want the damned position! And yet when he started fighting, he couldn't stop.

"Well done, Aoshi. You have prevai-" Aoshi walked away quickly, not waiting for Okina to finish. After one final look behind him, he quickened his pace.

He was a monster.

He was only fifteen and yet had defeated every one of his comrades. He did so without any hint of remorse, or so they thought; inside, he was reeling.

Kick. Jab. Punch. Jump. Slash. With every move he made, he grew sicker.

It didn't matter that it was what every Okashira went through. It was repulsive, this custom.

He sped up, his longs strides turning into sprints. He had to go home. He had to go to her, to Misao. The child, barely eight years of age was his only refuge, so he ran.

_They don't know that I come running home when I fall down _  
><em>They don't know who picks me up when no one is around <em>  
><em>I drop my sword and cry for just a while <em>_  
><em>_'Coz deep inside this armor _  
><em>The warrior is a child <em>

When he finally caught sight of the Aoiya, he slowed his pace. _No. I do not deserve to be around her anymore. _With that Aoshi made a move to walk away but was stopped when he heard small feet running towards him and stiffened when he felt a pair of small arms circle his knees.

He didn't look at her. He couldn't.

Misao giggled, oblivious to Aoshi's distress, the child thought she had surprised Aoshi.

"Aoshi-sama! You're back! Jiya said you wouldn't be back 'till later. Why are you back so early? Have you beaten Hannya-kun and the others already?" Little Misao let go of Aoshi's legs and went in front of Aoshi, looking up.

Aoshi still did not speak. So Misao spoke again.

"Ne, Aoshi-sama? You look sad. Why? Tōsan told me that today you'd be receiving the greatest of honors. I didn't understand what he was saying but he told me you had to hurt your friends though. I don't know why. Is that why Aoshi-sama's sad? Because you hurt your friends?"

Innocent yet loving blue eyes looked up and stared into his blue-green ones. He inhaled sharply.

_Unafraid because his arrow is the best  
>But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest<br>People say that I'm amazing  
>I never face retreat, oh no<br>But they don't see the enemies _

_That lay me at his feet _

"Yes, Misao-chan. I am a bad person."

"IIE! Aoshi-sama is never a bad person! IIE! Aoshi-sama is the kindest person in the whole world!" Misao said, her hands flailing around her as she emphasized the word big, her lips shaking as tears threatened to fall from her big, ocean pools.

"Please don't cry, Misao-chan. It hurts me to see you cry." Aoshi bent down and wiped the tears that escaped from little Misao's eyes.

"Hai, Aoshi-sama. You know Aoshi-sama, after Tōsan told me that you were going to fight today I said that you can't because you're still a kid like me. He told me you were young but you weren't a kid anymore. I kept on saying that you were though."

Aoshi looked at Misao, confused. He was aware that Misao knew he was years older than her.

"And why is that, Misao-chan?" He asked, lifting Misao easily and placing her on his lap as he sat on a nearby bench.

"Because! I see that you are a kid!" Misao's loud and high voice made Aoshi cringe slightly.

"How?" He urged her gently, stroking her hair. Had he been too playful with her that she forgot of their age difference?

"Your eyes, Aoshi-sama. They're like mine. Like a kid's. But yours are way cooler…" Misao drifted as she snuggled into Aoshi's hug more.

He was taken aback by what Misao said. He, a kid? He was deep in thought when he suddenly felt his arms bare, snapping him out of his thoughts. Misao had leapt from his embrace and was staring at him, hands clutched behind her, feet rocking slightly from heel to toe as she smiled at him mischievously.

"I know, I know! Let's play Aoshi-sama! It'll cheer you up, I'm sure!" Misao held out a small hand to Aoshi. He took it without a second thought and allowed a smile to form on his lips. A smile meant for only his little Misao. He followed her into the backyard, his bigger hand still holding Misao's smaller one.

* * *

><p>Aoshi felt weak. His body was going to collapse at any given moment, yet he didn't care. For the first time in years, he was looking forward to something, and he couldn't let his weakness hinder him from finally seeing her again.<p>

Beside him, Sano was supporting a barely breathing Kenshin. Looking at Kenshin made his chest sting more. He didn't know whether or not it was because of the long, diagonal slash he got from his fight with Kenshin or if it was because of the guilt that threatened to swallow him.

How could he have been so foolish? So utterly blind, so selfish. By almost killing Okina and siding with Shishio, he shamed the sacrifice Hannya, Beshimi, Shikijo and Hyottoko made.

With every step he took, his resolve to see Misao weakened. How could he face her? Once again, he let the monster in him loose. He looked up at the dark, starless sky and closed his eyes as his feet continued to pad through the dirt road. Aoshi bent his head, looking at the dirt road. _Even the dirt is cleaner than I am._

He was a lost man. Could he even call himself a man? After what he did...

He needed Misao, now. He's always needed Misao. He didn't know why, he couldn't remember why.

Finally he saw the outline of the Aoiya. He could make out the silhouettes of people waiting outside. He focused his gaze on his feet. After only a few more minutes, he caught a whiff of vanilla. _Misao's scent._

"It's them! Himura, Sano!" Aoshi didn't look up; he felt his heart breaking when Misao didn't acknowledge him.

He kept his eyes downcast. He didn't see Misao running up to them, to him.

"You came, Aoshi-sama!" His head shot up. There had to be at least twenty feet between them, but he saw them. Her blue, sparkling eyes, filled with unshed tears and her face lit with a smile. _For him._

__They don't know that I come running home when I fall down _  
><em>They don't know who picks me up when no one is around <em>  
><em>I drop my swordnd cry for just a while <em>  
><em>'Coz deep inside this armor <em>  
><em>The warrior is a child <em>_

He dropped his twin kodachis.

His steps became faster, almost running. In less than a couple of seconds, Misao was wrapped in his arms. His tears began to flow freely as he held her tightly, his head resting on Misao's.

"I'm sorry, Misao. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Aoshi's voice was hoarse, his eyes shut as he continued to cry.

"A-Aoshi-sama." Misao hugged him back, breathless. She too, was crying. Out of relief, out of happiness, out of love. They stood there, in the middle of the road, holding on to each other. The others had gone inside to tend to Kenshin and Sano, but they stood there, afraid to let go.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Aoshi-sama. You're back with us, with me." Misao said as she pulled away to look into Aoshi's eyes. Seeing Aoshi in such a state both warmed and hurt her. He was so vulnerable. She stood on the tips of her toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. Aoshi dropped to his knees, still clinging to Misao. He couldn't stop crying. Everything he went through: leaving Misao behind, seeing his friends die, becoming consumed with hate, flashed before his eyes and he could only cry out in pain.

Misao wasn't prepared for this. She could only hold him closer. For once in her life, she was at a loss for words.

"The only thing important is that your home, Aoshi-sama." Aoshi let go, his hands falling to his sides limply. He was exhausted, body, mind and spirit. But as he gazed into Misao's eyes, he felt stronger than he had ever been in years.

"But I am a monster. I… I do not deserve to call the Aoiya my home or the Oniwanabanshuu my family. I have disgraced you all." Aoshi hugged Misao's knees, head bent in guilt and shame.

Misao knew he was right. The mere fact that he had sided with the likes of Shishio and worked for a man like Takeda… Still, it didn't matter to her. It wouldn't matter to the others as well. They were all hurt, yes. But Aoshi was finally home, with them, _with her. _

"You have, Aoshi-sama. That's why you have to pull yourself together, because you're the one who's going to rebuild our pride." Misao grasped both Aoshi's elbows as she helped him stand. Her attempt at humor apparently wasn't wasted as she saw a spark in his eyes, however small it was.

"I cannot offer anything of worth, Misao. I am useless." The spark vanished. His voice was hollow and it pained Misao so much to hear such a weak voice coming from the man she loved. Her eyes started to brim with tears again.

"IIE! Aoshi-sama isn't worthless! IIEEE!" Misao closed her eyes as she shook her head furiously. How dare he think himself useless?

"Misao-"

"IIE! Aoshi-sama, you can _never _be worthless, useless or anything close to that! You mean so much to us. You mean the world to me! You are the only reason I've been living with hope all these years. Don't you dare tell me that I've hoped in vain. Don't. You. Dare."

"I have no honor left." Aoshi said wistfully as his hands fisted. He stared straight into Misao's eyes, allowing her to see the pain and hurt in his.

"Then we will do all we can to make you the honorable man you are, Aoshi." Aoshi opened his mouth to answer but found that he did not have anything to say. Instead, his eyes widened slightly when he realized Misao hadn't added any honorific to his name. Misao must have noticed his surprise and flushed when she realized why. Deciding that they could continue this talk later, she smirked. For now, she had to make him happy.

"I am your Okashira. Therefore it is _you _who will call me that." Aoshi inwardly recoiled at the thought of him calling her Misao-sama. He respected her, but no way was he calling her that.

"I am sorry but I cannot, _Okashira._" Emphasis on the title.

"Hmph. Suit yourself, you will be punished accordingly." Misao turned and walked to the Aoiya, trying hard to keep her steps from bouncing.

Aoshi watched her retreating figure for a couple of moments. All too quickly, feelings of despair and hopelessness threatened to envelope him. In a split second, Aoshi had caught up and hugged her from behind, freezing Misao in her tracks.

"Help me, Misao." Aoshi buried his face in her soft hair. She smelled of vanilla, calming him.

"You don't have to ask, Aoshi-sama." Aoshi hugged her tighter.

"No -sama, _Okashira." _Oh he was so going to get it, later.

"I love you, Aoshi-_sama." _Gotcha.

Aoshi spun Misao. Did he hear correctly? Did she… Did she love him?

"What?" Did he only imagine it?

"I love you, Aoshi-_sama._" Misao repeated, still putting emphasis on the honorific.

He suddenly felt weak. He felt so happy that his body would collapse at any given moment. When he didn't reply Misao misunderstood his silence as his way of telling her he did not feel the same. Defeated, she looked down and started walking, breaking free from his grasp.

"Stop, Misao." He said as he once again hugged her from behind, gently. She suddenly seemed so frail.

"Do not leave me, please." He sounded like he was begging. Was he? He didn't care. He was home now. _Misao was home._

He let go and walked so he stood in front of her.

"Misao, please do not go. You are the only reason I came back. Why my demons haven't fully consumed me. I cannot give you much, only what is left of me, of the Aoshi you once knew. I can only give you my heart, however damaged it may be, however scorned. I love you. Then, now, always. Can you accept me?"

Misao blinked. _Aoshi. He. Wait yes he said he loved me. What? I. Oh forget it._

"Of course! You don't have to ask!" Misao jumped into Aoshi's arms, into his embrace. Her feet didn't touch the ground as Aoshi held her as close as humanly possible.

"Oy weasel! You better get Shinomori inside here to get treated or else you won't be able to be all cheesy for kami knows how long." Sano shouted from the door, earning glares from both Misao _and _Aoshi. He grinned as he scratched the back of his head and went back inside.

Aoshi sighed and put Misao back down softly. Hands still wrapped around her waist, he bent down and pressed his lips to hers. Misao kissed back, her hands placed on either side of Aoshi's chest, letting out a small whine when he pulled back. The corners of Aoshi's mouth quirked a bit.

He kissed her forehead.

"Mine." Aoshi took Misao's hands and lead her to the Aoiya.

They had a long way to go.

But he was home.

_They don't know that I come running home when I fall down _  
><em>They don't know who picks me up when no one is around <em>  
><em>I drop my swordnd cry for just a while <em>  
><em>'Coz deep inside this armor <em>  
><em>The warrior is a child <em>


End file.
